Vote Mat

Why not?

3 notes

No, We’re Serious

Certain people have been questioning the authenticity of my campaign. “What makes you qualified?” “Who the hell are you?” “You’re doing what?

First things first. Let me give you at least three people who are consciously aware that I am indeed a mayoral candidate:

ohheygreat:

…while it seems like a joke, it’s a real thing. If you’re a San Francisco resident, please make Mat Honan your write-in candidate!

Mike Monteiro:

Anyone who thinks the #votemat campaign is a joke is mistaken. This is our Burrito Revolution!

And myself:

Hey jerks! Everything sucks. I’m running for mayor of San Francisco.

Now let me address some of the questions presented to me.

What makes you qualified?

I’ll tell you exactly what makes me qualified: the same thing that lets a dog know when people are mad at him. I have eyes, ears, and a nose. I see what’s going on around me, and I’m not that fucking happy with what I see. Homeless lying on the street, people going hungry, people getting mugged, children getting sick, the list goes on and on. San Francisco needs someone who knows what it’s like to be the minority. They need — no, deserve — someone who will do things for the good of humanity, not to fill his own pockets.

Who the hell are you?

I made this thing called BarackObamaIsYourNewBicycle.com a few years back. If you don’t know (or care) what that is, you probably don’t live in San Francisco. Or on Earth.

You’re doing what?

I’m running for mayor of San Francisco. Don’t look so shocked. Sit down if you need to.

My general point here is that yes, I am indeed a serious mayoral candidate. Thanks for those who have already told me that they plan to give me their vote come November. It means a lot.

I’m off for a bike ride.

11 notes

Hello, It’s Mat. Here’s Why You Should Vote For Me.

Hey San Francisco,

Thanks for saying all those nice things about me over on Twitter. The support has been incredible.

A lot of people have been asking why you should vote for me to be your new Mayor. I’ll tell you why right now.

Less pollution

Let’s face it, one of our biggest issues right now is pollution. Contrary to unpopular belief, the world actually is heating up, slowly but surely. We need to stop wasting so much gas by driving everywhere, which is why the very first thing I’ll do as Mayor is create the B.O.L., otherwise known as the Bicycle Ownership Law. This law will ensure that everyone over the age of 21 in San Francisco owns a bicycle. If you can’t afford one, that’s okay, I have a program that can help you.

Three-character Twitter handles

Following this tweet, I’ve decided that I will indeed lobby Twitter (which was founded in San Francisco) to allow every San Franciscan to have their very own three-character Twitter username. There are just too many generics right now, and I think that handles like mine should be shared with everyone.

Yes, I will build that fence

This touched me deeply:

And it inspired me to agree that yes, I will build that fence, and yes, I will invite Catherine to the ribbon cutting! Heck, I’ll invite everyone.

I don’t want to sound conceited or anything, but there are lots more reasons to vote for me. So follow me at @mat on Twitter, and tweet the hashtag #votemat. We were a trending topic last night, which is great news, and so things can only get better.

Signing off.