Certain people have been questioning the authenticity of my campaign. “What makes you qualified?” “Who the hell are you?” “You’re doing what?”
First things first. Let me give you at least three people who are consciously aware that I am indeed a mayoral candidate:
…while it seems like a joke, it’s a real thing. If you’re a San Francisco resident, please make Mat Honan your write-in candidate!
Anyone who thinks the #votemat campaign is a joke is mistaken. This is our Burrito Revolution!
Hey jerks! Everything sucks. I’m running for mayor of San Francisco.
Now let me address some of the questions presented to me.
What makes you qualified?
I’ll tell you exactly what makes me qualified: the same thing that lets a dog know when people are mad at him. I have eyes, ears, and a nose. I see what’s going on around me, and I’m not that fucking happy with what I see. Homeless lying on the street, people going hungry, people getting mugged, children getting sick, the list goes on and on. San Francisco needs someone who knows what it’s like to be the minority. They need — no, deserve — someone who will do things for the good of humanity, not to fill his own pockets.
Who the hell are you?
I made this thing called BarackObamaIsYourNewBicycle.com a few years back. If you don’t know (or care) what that is, you probably don’t live in San Francisco. Or on Earth.
You’re doing what?
I’m running for mayor of San Francisco. Don’t look so shocked. Sit down if you need to.
My general point here is that yes, I am indeed a serious mayoral candidate. Thanks for those who have already told me that they plan to give me their vote come November. It means a lot.
I’m off for a bike ride.